


what we lose in the dark

by neednot



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Drabble, F/M, XF Writing Challenge, xfwritingchallenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6648373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neednot/pseuds/neednot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>she’s realizing she likes the dark more than she used to. for @leiascully's xf writing challenge: night</p>
            </blockquote>





	what we lose in the dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leiascully](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiascully/gifts).



a confession?

as a child she was afraid of the dark. terrified. she used to hide under her blankets with a flashlight and shiver and wait for the night to pass. 

(she never told her mother. she was supposed to be brave, and bill would have teased her if he knew.) 

it wasn’t the dark that terrified her so much as the unknown, the endless possibility and lurking shadows of something with sharp fangs and claws ready to grab her. you can’t prepare yourself for what you can’t see. 

(truth be told the unknown still terrifies her, but now she realizes the unknown will still follow her regardless if it’s dark or not.)

gradually her fear of the dark lessens its grip on her. she doesn’t know exactly when it happens, but she stops sucking in her breath when the stars come out, she stops clutching her blanket in her fists while she shuts her eyes against shadows. 

she tells him about it, once. they’re on a stake-out, again, some woman mulder  _swears_  can walk through walls, some mutant superpower she tries to find a rational explanation for. tells him about her fear. 

she doesn’t know what makes her tell him, at this point she hasn’t feared the dark in years. 

“what were you afraid of when you were eight?” she asks him.

he shrugs. his worst fears would be realized when his sister was taken, but he didn’t know that’s what he feared at the time.

“bugs, probably,” he says after a moment. “you?”

“i don’t know,” she says, pausing to take a sip of her drink. “i guess the dark. it’s... it’s a bit ridiculous, aren’t all children afraid of the dark?” 

it takes him a moment to answer. “i don’t think so. i think children project their fear of other things onto the dark because it’s easier.”

she nods. “i guess you’re right.”

they sit in silence for a few minutes, nothing but the sounds of the air conditioner humming. 

“so what was it?” he asks. 

“what was what?” she says, and when she turns her head he’s looking directly at her.

“what were you afraid of instead of the dark?” 

“i...” 

she falters. looks at him, his eyes, her breath caught in her throat. 

“i guess... i guess i was afraid of losing something, some part of myself that i wouldn’t be able to get back.” 

her own answer surprises her. 

he nods. “yeah. yeah, that makes sense.” 

she wonders what he was afraid of.

* * *

 the first time he kisses her it’s in the dark, like that makes it easier for them, somehow. 

she’s known how he’s felt about her awhile, she supposes. 

(she’s ignored how she’s felt about him, like that makes it easier somehow)

but he’s at her apartment and the power goes out and she finds herself shaking, trembling like she’s eight again and afraid of—

(god what is she afraid of?)

she hears a noise and she jumps but it’s mulder, just mulder. 

“hey, dana,” he says. “i’m right here.” 

slowly her eyes adjust and there he is, the blurry outline of his profile and her breath catches in her throat again but this time it’s not from fear. and then his hands are on her waist and he’s leaning towards her and her heart is pounding and she thinks, this is it, this is where i lose myself. 

but his lips brush hers. 

and she loses her self-consciousness, her fear—

(her breath when his hands move to unbutton her shirt)

and they are kissing and fumbling and she realizes, now, that if this is the outcome—  

she’s not afraid of the dark anymore.


End file.
